It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
