Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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