I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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