Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
