im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
