Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Even my vagina gasped.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
