my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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