i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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