My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
