nut hugger
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
