4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
