Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
