did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
