the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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