dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
