Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
