John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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