i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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