in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
