I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
