i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
