i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
