Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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