quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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