about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
