so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
