If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
