I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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