Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
