So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
