Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
