made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
