Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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