I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
