Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
