watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
