you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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