Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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