Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
