Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
