I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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