If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
