Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
