I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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