Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
