I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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