I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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