i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
