I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
