The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
