i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
